Adam and Eve
For the first grade Sunday School,
September 25, 2022
By Joel Haas
One day God
decided to make a garden. “Shazam!” God said. And a beautiful garden appeared
in the land of Eden. God decided to call the garden “Paradise,” which is sort
of related to the Arab word for garden.
All kinds of animals and plants were in The Garden of Eden. “I’m missing something,” God mumbled to Himself. “Aha!” God exclaimed, “I know what’s missing!” “Shazam!” God said, and made a boy.
The boy was allowed to walk around wherever and whenever he wanted to. He could have stayed up late playing video games—but there weren’t any. After a while, the boy was bored.
“I need somebody to talk to or play with,” the boy complained to God.
“No problem,” God told him. God said “Shazam!” and made a girl.
“A girl!” the boy shouted. “Why did you make a girl for me to hang out with?”
“You’ll see when you get older,” God replied, “For the time being though, get over it.”
The boy gave a great sigh, and the girl shrugged her shoulders, muttering, “whatever…”
“Now, y’all can do whatever you want,” God told them. “You can spend all day at the fountain of eternal ice cream. You can stuff yourself with cookies and moon pies from cookie and moon pie trees. And, if y’all want, you can swim in Chocolate Milk River, or splash around in Cola Creek.”
“That sounds great!” the boy and girl responded. “Thank you, God.” (They were polite kids.)
“You’re welcome,” God smiled. Then, He turned serious. “One thing, though…”
“What?” the boy and girl asked.
“See that tree over there? The one with the odd looking bark and leaves,” God pointed.
“The one with the red round fruit hanging on it?” the girl asked.
“That’s the one,” God nodded. “Y’all may NOT eat any of the red round fruits off that tree!”
“We won’t eat any fruits from that tree, so help us God!” they promised.
“Good,” God smiled. “Y’all have fun. I’ve got to go check on another one of my universes. It won’t crank fully to a Big Bang. Come to think of it,” God mused, “I might need to replace the dark matter filter.”
With that, God went “POOF!” and they could not see Him anymore.
The boy and girl wandered the garden, eating what they wanted to and sleeping or playing when they wanted to. And the weather was always perfect. Like all the animals in the Garden of Eden they were happy and content because they didn’t know right from wrong; or right from left; or up from down; nor sideways.
One day the girl was walking past the odd looking tree with the red round fruits when she heard a raspy voice. “Hey, girl! Come here! I wanna show you something.”
“What? What?” the girl looked around.
“Over here in the tree,” the voice answered.
Looking closer, the girl saw a television hanging from a branch on the tree. A snake appeared on the TV screen. The girl had never seen a snake nor a TV.
“Who or what are you?” she asked.
The snake smiled and hissed,” My real name is Madison Avenue, but friends and you can call me Beelzebub” The TV screen glitched and crackled as the snake spoke.
“What do you want to talk to me about?” asked the girl.
“These red round fruits,” Beelzebub answered. “I think you’ll find them more delicious than anything else here in the Garden of Eden.”
The girl crossed her arms. “God doesn’t want the boy or I to eat any of those,” she answered.
“And why do you suppose God told you that?” the snake hissed and crackled on the TV.
“I don’t know,” the girl answered.
“Exactly!” Beelzebub hissed and the TV screen went very fuzzy. “You don’t KNOW. You don’t know anything! You don’t know right from wrong or right from left or up from down or the square root of pi.”
“So?” the girl pouted.
“So, God knows stuff and you two don’t! God wants to keep all the knowledge to Himself!” the snake swayed a little and stuck out his tongue.
“What’s that matter?” the girl was still unconvinced.
“Just eat one of those red round fruits and you’ll KNOW!” Beelzebub hissed really loud.
“Okay,” the girl sighed, “but just one.”
“You won’t regret it,” the snake hiss laughed. “And God will be so surprised!”
Then one of the fruits fell off the tree and landed at the girl’s feet. She picked it up. She examined it a moment. And then…she took a bite of it.
The effect was very strange she thought as she chewed and swallowed. The Garden of Eden around her shimmered and changed. Suddenly, everything looked very different.
“Now I know this is an apple,” she exclaimed. “And this tree is the tree of know all sorts of stuff!”
“Well, whadaya know…” Beelzebub chuckled.
“The tree bark is made of credit cards!”
“And…?” the snake prodded her.
“The leaves have all kinds of information written on them!”” She plucked a few and looked at them. “6x8 equals 48,” was on one side of the leaf. “Dragonflies can’t fold their wings back” was on the other side. On another leaf she saw “Too much ice cream is bad for you “while the reverse side declared “Malta is an island.”
“I didn’t know that!” she exclaimed. She plucked another leaf and read “vultures think clowns taste funny” and the back read “Lots of ice cream is very healthy.”
“I even know fake news!” she jumped up and down in delight. “I even know my own name is Eve! And the boy’s name is Adam! This is so cool! I’ve got to show him right now!”
Meanwhile, the boy was wandering the garden naming all the animals. He saw a giraffe. “Hi,” he said. “Your name is Charlie.”
“Hunh?” the giraffe answered.
Further on, the boy saw a rhinoceros. “Hi,” he greeted the animal. “Your name is Charlie.”
“If you say so,” the rhino grumped and kept on walking.
Then, the boy walked right up to a dog and said, “Hi, your name is Charlie.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” the dog barked.
Just then, Eve came running up to the boy. “Adam,” she cried, breathless, “Try a bite of this!”
“No. My name is Charlie,” Adam looked at her, puzzled.
“No! It’s Adam!”
“How do you know?” the boy replied.
“That’s just the point. You won’t know anything until you take a bite of this apple.” She held it out to him.
“God said not to,” the boy was wary.
“Oh, come on!” Eve stamped her foot. “One bite won’t give you cooties.”
“Okay, but just one bite,” he said and took the apple. As he chewed and swallowed the look on his face changed. “That’s amazing!” he shouted. “My name is Adam and you’re Eve!”
“Yes!” Eve nodded enthusiastically.
“And that’s a giraffe,” Adam said quietly. “And that’s a rhinoceros,” he added. “And that’s a dog! WOW! I now know the square root of 16 moon pies is four moon pies and what is up and what is down!”
“Isn’t it great to know something?” Eve was so happy.
“I just realized another thing,” Adam sounded serious and looked worried.
“What?”
“We don’t have any clothes on!”
Eve looked down. “You’re right,” she shouted. “Let’s go find some fig leaves!”
They had just found fig leaves to use as clothes when they heard God calling them.
“Don’t answer!” Adam whispered.
God called again.
“Let’s crawl under these bushes,” Adam suggested.
“These fig leaves are itchy and scratchy in some places,” Eve complained. “Let’s hide behind those rocks instead.” For a little while, that seemed to work. God kept calling and they kept silent.
Then…Shazam!!
The rocks vanished and a very tall African woman with pink hair and wearing an orange dashiki dress stood over them. She did not look happy.
“Are you God?” Eve asked in a very small voice.
“Well, I’m not Sponge Bob Square Pants,” God answered.
“So, what do you want to talk about? “Adam whispered.
“There’s three leaves and one apple missing from a certain tree. And there’s a TV hanging on one branch. Y’all know anything about that?”
“Basilbead made me do it,” Eve said meekly.
“Basilbead?! You mean Beelzebub? Well, I’ll take care of him later, but you two are in trouble now.”
“What kinda trouble?” Eve asked.
“You gotta leave the Garden of Eden—forever.” God’s voice was very serious.
“Why?” Eve moaned.
“You ate from the tree I told you not to”
“We just wanted to know what it…”
“That’s just it,” God cut her off. “You wanted. And you know stuff. The other animals don’t want stuff and don’t know stuff, so they’re happy. But you two will forever be unhappy wanting stuff and knowing stuff. And y’all are gonna do it outside of my Paradise.”
“When?” Adam asked.
“Right now! Y’all take your fig leaves and a moon pie for each hand and leave by the front gate. I’m placing an angel with a flaming sword there forever to make sure you’ll never get back in!”
All kinds of animals and plants were in The Garden of Eden. “I’m missing something,” God mumbled to Himself. “Aha!” God exclaimed, “I know what’s missing!” “Shazam!” God said, and made a boy.
The boy was allowed to walk around wherever and whenever he wanted to. He could have stayed up late playing video games—but there weren’t any. After a while, the boy was bored.
“I need somebody to talk to or play with,” the boy complained to God.
“No problem,” God told him. God said “Shazam!” and made a girl.
“A girl!” the boy shouted. “Why did you make a girl for me to hang out with?”
“You’ll see when you get older,” God replied, “For the time being though, get over it.”
The boy gave a great sigh, and the girl shrugged her shoulders, muttering, “whatever…”
“Now, y’all can do whatever you want,” God told them. “You can spend all day at the fountain of eternal ice cream. You can stuff yourself with cookies and moon pies from cookie and moon pie trees. And, if y’all want, you can swim in Chocolate Milk River, or splash around in Cola Creek.”
“That sounds great!” the boy and girl responded. “Thank you, God.” (They were polite kids.)
“You’re welcome,” God smiled. Then, He turned serious. “One thing, though…”
“What?” the boy and girl asked.
“See that tree over there? The one with the odd looking bark and leaves,” God pointed.
“The one with the red round fruit hanging on it?” the girl asked.
“That’s the one,” God nodded. “Y’all may NOT eat any of the red round fruits off that tree!”
“We won’t eat any fruits from that tree, so help us God!” they promised.
“Good,” God smiled. “Y’all have fun. I’ve got to go check on another one of my universes. It won’t crank fully to a Big Bang. Come to think of it,” God mused, “I might need to replace the dark matter filter.”
With that, God went “POOF!” and they could not see Him anymore.
The boy and girl wandered the garden, eating what they wanted to and sleeping or playing when they wanted to. And the weather was always perfect. Like all the animals in the Garden of Eden they were happy and content because they didn’t know right from wrong; or right from left; or up from down; nor sideways.
One day the girl was walking past the odd looking tree with the red round fruits when she heard a raspy voice. “Hey, girl! Come here! I wanna show you something.”
“What? What?” the girl looked around.
“Over here in the tree,” the voice answered.
Looking closer, the girl saw a television hanging from a branch on the tree. A snake appeared on the TV screen. The girl had never seen a snake nor a TV.
“Who or what are you?” she asked.
The snake smiled and hissed,” My real name is Madison Avenue, but friends and you can call me Beelzebub” The TV screen glitched and crackled as the snake spoke.
“What do you want to talk to me about?” asked the girl.
“These red round fruits,” Beelzebub answered. “I think you’ll find them more delicious than anything else here in the Garden of Eden.”
The girl crossed her arms. “God doesn’t want the boy or I to eat any of those,” she answered.
“And why do you suppose God told you that?” the snake hissed and crackled on the TV.
“I don’t know,” the girl answered.
“Exactly!” Beelzebub hissed and the TV screen went very fuzzy. “You don’t KNOW. You don’t know anything! You don’t know right from wrong or right from left or up from down or the square root of pi.”
“So?” the girl pouted.
“So, God knows stuff and you two don’t! God wants to keep all the knowledge to Himself!” the snake swayed a little and stuck out his tongue.
“What’s that matter?” the girl was still unconvinced.
“Just eat one of those red round fruits and you’ll KNOW!” Beelzebub hissed really loud.
“Okay,” the girl sighed, “but just one.”
“You won’t regret it,” the snake hiss laughed. “And God will be so surprised!”
Then one of the fruits fell off the tree and landed at the girl’s feet. She picked it up. She examined it a moment. And then…she took a bite of it.
The effect was very strange she thought as she chewed and swallowed. The Garden of Eden around her shimmered and changed. Suddenly, everything looked very different.
“Now I know this is an apple,” she exclaimed. “And this tree is the tree of know all sorts of stuff!”
“Well, whadaya know…” Beelzebub chuckled.
“The tree bark is made of credit cards!”
“And…?” the snake prodded her.
“The leaves have all kinds of information written on them!”” She plucked a few and looked at them. “6x8 equals 48,” was on one side of the leaf. “Dragonflies can’t fold their wings back” was on the other side. On another leaf she saw “Too much ice cream is bad for you “while the reverse side declared “Malta is an island.”
“I didn’t know that!” she exclaimed. She plucked another leaf and read “vultures think clowns taste funny” and the back read “Lots of ice cream is very healthy.”
“I even know fake news!” she jumped up and down in delight. “I even know my own name is Eve! And the boy’s name is Adam! This is so cool! I’ve got to show him right now!”
Meanwhile, the boy was wandering the garden naming all the animals. He saw a giraffe. “Hi,” he said. “Your name is Charlie.”
“Hunh?” the giraffe answered.
Further on, the boy saw a rhinoceros. “Hi,” he greeted the animal. “Your name is Charlie.”
“If you say so,” the rhino grumped and kept on walking.
Then, the boy walked right up to a dog and said, “Hi, your name is Charlie.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” the dog barked.
Just then, Eve came running up to the boy. “Adam,” she cried, breathless, “Try a bite of this!”
“No. My name is Charlie,” Adam looked at her, puzzled.
“No! It’s Adam!”
“How do you know?” the boy replied.
“That’s just the point. You won’t know anything until you take a bite of this apple.” She held it out to him.
“God said not to,” the boy was wary.
“Oh, come on!” Eve stamped her foot. “One bite won’t give you cooties.”
“Okay, but just one bite,” he said and took the apple. As he chewed and swallowed the look on his face changed. “That’s amazing!” he shouted. “My name is Adam and you’re Eve!”
“Yes!” Eve nodded enthusiastically.
“And that’s a giraffe,” Adam said quietly. “And that’s a rhinoceros,” he added. “And that’s a dog! WOW! I now know the square root of 16 moon pies is four moon pies and what is up and what is down!”
“Isn’t it great to know something?” Eve was so happy.
“I just realized another thing,” Adam sounded serious and looked worried.
“What?”
“We don’t have any clothes on!”
Eve looked down. “You’re right,” she shouted. “Let’s go find some fig leaves!”
They had just found fig leaves to use as clothes when they heard God calling them.
“Don’t answer!” Adam whispered.
God called again.
“Let’s crawl under these bushes,” Adam suggested.
“These fig leaves are itchy and scratchy in some places,” Eve complained. “Let’s hide behind those rocks instead.” For a little while, that seemed to work. God kept calling and they kept silent.
Then…Shazam!!
The rocks vanished and a very tall African woman with pink hair and wearing an orange dashiki dress stood over them. She did not look happy.
“Are you God?” Eve asked in a very small voice.
“Well, I’m not Sponge Bob Square Pants,” God answered.
“So, what do you want to talk about? “Adam whispered.
“There’s three leaves and one apple missing from a certain tree. And there’s a TV hanging on one branch. Y’all know anything about that?”
“Basilbead made me do it,” Eve said meekly.
“Basilbead?! You mean Beelzebub? Well, I’ll take care of him later, but you two are in trouble now.”
“What kinda trouble?” Eve asked.
“You gotta leave the Garden of Eden—forever.” God’s voice was very serious.
“Why?” Eve moaned.
“You ate from the tree I told you not to”
“We just wanted to know what it…”
“That’s just it,” God cut her off. “You wanted. And you know stuff. The other animals don’t want stuff and don’t know stuff, so they’re happy. But you two will forever be unhappy wanting stuff and knowing stuff. And y’all are gonna do it outside of my Paradise.”
“When?” Adam asked.
“Right now! Y’all take your fig leaves and a moon pie for each hand and leave by the front gate. I’m placing an angel with a flaming sword there forever to make sure you’ll never get back in!”
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